February 2012
4 posts
cmenard asked: It totally depends on what you're looking for! The bible will always meet you where you're at, it's not just a book, its alive with the Spirit of God :) I personally love the sweep from Galatians to Colossians, thats 22 chapters. I'd throw in 1 John as well, that's another 5. For solo chapter studies I'd say Joshua 1, 1 Cor 13, Luke 11, 12, Psalms 37, 73, 139,...
5 tags
Lent day 1
Steven and I agreed to a chapter a day to read and discuss. We’ll see if we can keep it up - schedules being what they are, it might be a bit of a challenge. Today is 1 Corinthians 14. Let’s see how that goes.
Also taking suggestions for good chapters - I am really shooting in the dark and just picking ones whose opening verses resonate with me as I skim. Should probably figure out a...
1 tag
My plan for Lent
Hi Tumblr, it’s been a while… sorry about that! I guess with all the stress of school, the excitement about the engagement, and generally being in kind of a crappy spot in life, I haven’t gotten much chance to post recently. But that will change! Today I thought I would explain more what my plan is for Lent. I’m not Catholic, and I’m not really that religious in the...
I keep getting more and more manic
To the point where I’m not entirely sure I’ll actually finish this post before my brain goes on to something else.
Actually, it kind of already has. I forgot what I was going to say. But I don’t like this. I would much rather be depressed than this. It’s like being depressed, but worse because I feel just as shitty, but I can’t sleep it off and it keeps haunting me...
January 2012
6 posts
6 tags
Thoughts for today
Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.
For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.
— Ecclesiastes 1:17-18 (NIV via Bible Gateway)
Sometimes, I really feel this way. I have devoted so much of my life to a striving after knowledge. Knowledge is power,...
Manic...
This is the counterbalance to the massive depression I had a couple months ago. Maybe everything else was just part of that larger cycle. I don’t know if I’ve ever been quite this bad. But what’s becoming increasingly clear to me is yeah. I’m fucking bipolar. I really am. What the hell else could explain this? Impulsive decisions. Joyriding, speeding through town for no...
Decisions, decisions...
Starting to take a look at things for next semester… it’s going to be busy, as usual. But actually, there are a couple of features that make it a little more complicated than previously… after dropping that “one class I didn’t really need to take”, I now have a very large chunk of time available on Tuesdays - get done with my one class (which I do need to take)...
4 tags
Hey guys
I just want you to know…
Love feels awesome.
I hope you all get to try it some time.
1 tag
Reblog if you've actually read every single page...
fexual:
acciofelixfelicis:
heroineoftime:
A few times yes.
From Mr. and Mrs. Dursley to All was well.
Okay except I still don’t really think that epilogue actually happened… lol.
Composing...
I kind of want to do stuff, and I have ideas, and improv’d a bunch yesterday that I couldn’t write down at the time… but now my brain keeps reverting to the key Steven is practicing in, and I can’t get the notes quite right… ugh. I really need to spend some time in an absolutely quiet place with a piano and flesh out all these little ideas sitting on my sketch file....
December 2011
14 posts
Procrastination today
It’s already 10:17 and I haven’t done anything yet @_@ Okay, I ate some breakfast, talked to mommy, bought a Groupon for said mommy, organized (tentatively) a dinner for next week with friends I miss way too much, and ran a heroic Vortex Pinnacle for sachel and VP, plus daily Winter Veil holiday quest. Yeah, I guess that’s not too bad. Next on the list:
Since I actually said...
what is the 'ideal' age to get married, for you?
Grades
Seriously, this semester just fucking sucked. I know I had a bajillion and a half mental problems to deal with, and frankly that’s why my grades sucked as much as they did… I thought I’d maybe be able to salvage some things, but apparently not so much. And now I’m off meds and afraid that this will just push me into an endless downward spiral and destroy all the work...
the latest pasttime
I call it “irresponsibly premature planning”. Haha.
No, seriously, I like it, you should try it. It’s the “hey, there’s a giant caveat that none of this is really going to happen” but still working through things to see where people stand. I actually kind of wish more people would have these discussions, if long-term is something they’re at all interested...
1 tag
cavestudio replied to your post: I really don’t like this.
How long has it been? One of my close friends who tried meds told me that her doctor said for the first two weeks or so it gets a lot worse before it gets better.
It’s only been about a week. I think it depends on the med, too. This one, as I’ve mentioned before, has a very gradual ramp-up time because there is a...
1 tag
goodgollyimmolly replied to your post: I really don’t like this.
I was on Lamotrigine, and it made my mood swings worse and actually sent me into a full blown mania. I had the same thing with them treating my depression instead of approaching the whole picture. I hope you can figure something out!
Thanks! This is kind of what I am afraid of. In general I think it’s too early to...
I really don't like this.
I think now what I’m doing, right or not, is feeling like I have to keep track of my mood swings. And I’m not sure if it’s just my imagination, or they seem more dramatic than before… but at the same time, I feel like maybe I just didn’t notice before. It’s really hard, though. I don’t trust anything I say or do…it’s like I know...
Doubts...
You know, I do feel a lot better. And I am getting a lot of positive validation that this is the way to go. I’m happier. My friends are happier. My boyfriend is happier. The world is painted in brighter, more vivid colors. But yet, I am still wondering if perhaps I am not better yet. It’s only been a few days. And more importantly, I was already coming out of the low before the meds....
being.
It may seem like a really simple thing. Being. Existing. But actually… it’s not. Not for me, anyway. I went for a while… not being me. Being someone else. I do that, a lot. And now that I’m back, I begin to realize how much I missed me. And how much I just missed being me. Existing. I like being back. I want to be better. I want so bad to be this one. Because… this...
I guess it's too early to tell...
But things are really so much better. I guess it really has been hard on both of us, and you really only appreciate it when it’s over. I don’t know how I feel about potential long term effects, but if I can stay like this…it would be good. Not perfect, but better. This is the girl he fell in love with. This is the girl I wanted to be when I grew up. This is the way to pursue the...
6:49 - wake up (yes, this is when I actually woke up naturally without an alarm)
7:30 - leave to return to my apartment
8:00-9:00 - shower, change, get my shit together somewhat.
9:00-9:30 - go to school
9:30-10:15 - guitar class
10:15-11:30 - lunch, help people with stuffs for comp project, etc.
11:30-12:20 - form and analysis
12:20-1:20 - comp lesson
1:20-2:00 - practice the fuck out of...
The sigh. A gasp. Not surprise, but like drowning, trying desperately to get that lifesaving breath of air. Twisting in the pit of her stomach, a knot writhes, shooting waves of indescribable pain throughout. Mind races, and stops. Everything in the world ceases. A paralyzing, crippling lack of control. Each movement is an effort. The twitch of a smile, then it’s gone. Heaviness laid on...
Beyond exhausted.
Up early for the monthly staff meeting at 7, then all the normal good stuff, plus ho’ike that ran til like 12:40… Now a little breathing time (but not enough to do anything productive!) before observing a string quartet rehearsing an arrangement of mine; then grab lunch and head up to the house to give Albus a bath. Hopefully that doesn’t take too long, and I can get back home,...
November 2011
34 posts
So today,
my entire paradigm shifted. Wow.
the things I do...
appreciate me, damn it! no, just kidding. I know he really does appreciate me, probably more than I even give him credit for. But I did also sit in a rather cold auditorium for almost five hours listening to him record pieces for grad school auditions, provide moral support, read with the score to point out any spots that need work, and generally do what needs to be done. Oh, and give him a killer...
considering I got roughly half of yesterday's plan...
Here’s today…
9:00-11:30 - HYOC Thanksgiving Weekend performances @ Kawaiaha’o Church
(travel time)
12:00-2:00 (?) Lunch & hanging with Alika (woot)
(travel time)
2:30-3:30 - compose at school (piano piece)
3:30-4:30 - sing
4:30-5:00 - more composing/conducting
5:00-6:30 (travel time, pick up some dinner/grocery shopping)
6:30-7:00 - dinner
7:00-7:45 - F&A
...
All right, here's how it's going down.
9:00-9:15 - clean up from breakfast, get dressed, get ready to go go go
9:15-10:00 - Lanihuli, esp. those bloody three measures. Finalize score and send to performers, if time permits.
10:00-10:30 - Flower Duet arranging p. 1
10:30-11:30 - F&A homework
11:30-1:00 - lunch, WoW break, browse black friday sales online
1:00-1:45 - Lanihuli if not complete, or Flower Duet arranging p. 2
...
1 tag
jmwong90 replied to your post: What I do on holidays
Perhaps some artsong by Amy Beach?
Possibly. I haven’t really decided yet, although I know that I need to get some German in and I’d like to begin working in some Japanese. The recit/aria I’m looking at is pretty big, so it might be a fairly substantial project for me… although I am going to need three pieces for boards...
What I do on holidays
Play more WoW than I really intended to (but hey, not too long until I ding 82 on my priesty, yay!) then spend a good hour and more researching repertoire for next semester. Looking at the arias from one of Bach’s passions. So far, really liking them - a bit longer than the artsongs I’ve done in the past, but arguably easier on the voice. But it’s good, because I need to develop...
Gratitude.
In the throes of depression, it is hard as hell to try to think of things to be thankful for, but it is important. I will try, even if the words are empty…
I am thankful for love. Love surrounds me. Yesterday, I saw that unfold in numerous ways. I have so many friends who are willing to sit with me and listen, who offer great advice, who are just there to keep my mind off of the things that...
I should be thinking about more important things
But I really just kind of want to snuggle with my sweetheart and talk about silly music things and feel appreciated and loved.
3 tags
I think there may be something slightly wrong
When I keep seeing pictures on fuckyeahhotactresses, and I think, “wow, she’s pretty hot… except her boobs are too big.”
Seriously, though. I know I’m insecure about it, but it really bothers me that boobs are seen as sort of an absolute rule of beauty. And before you get into this “so-and-so is flat and still beautiful” with me, I just want to point out...
5 tags
My next project
Here’s my idea.
I want to write a set of short pieces for solo piano entitled “fragments of a dream”. It will be a musical expression of that feeling after you wake up, and throughout your day, that you remember little bits of the previous night’s dream, but not ever the whole thing. I am sure many of you have experienced this - honestly, I rarely remember any part of my...
shdocea asked: In regards to perceivable talents in the music world, as a self-proclaimed theory major in a university environment that thrives on performance I am sick and tired of the importance performance plays. Academics mean the world to me and ultimately those study habits and my musicianship are what will contribute to my success in theory. My scholarships are from performance-based ensembles and that...
5 tags
The Parable of Talents
I’ve been trying to really internalize the message we got today from the sermon - the NT scripture was Matthew 25:14-30 - and I really do like what Fr. Lillie had to say today about it. It’s interesting because this is one of the very few verses of scripture I ever internalized as a child from chapel at school, but it’s something that has stuck with me for a while, except at...
3 tags
I think what's really hard isn't being depressed,...
I can handle being sad. Everyone has off days. It’s totally normal to have a range of emotions, hardly something to be concerned about. And that’s the thing. If this were in the normal range, if it were just a few days, then I’d agree. I mean… I don’t want to be perfect. I just… want a break. I go from “okay, I’m barely functioning but at least I...
bleh...
so over the world.
god help me.
if there is anything I can do… give me a sign.
thanks,
erin
11/11/11 - the day I did nothing
Not even entirely true… I practiced some, and I did some other stuff, and I thought a little about my sonata even if it wasn’t really writing much in terms of notes… but I got ideas, and ideas are good.
But it was a day off, in a sense. I think I needed it. It’s true that I can’t truly take a day off, but… I did a pretty decent job as far as I could.
I did...
I'm gonna try again at writing this sonata. Wish...
Holiday~
I am having such a mental shock about not having anything specific scheduled. I know I should get started on composing and things like that, but I’m just not quite motivated, yet. I think my brain is still sort of recovering from so many busy days… and I don’t really want to change modes just yet, anyway.
I guess I’ll go lust after grad school programs again…
5 tags
chrispphotography replied to your post: The list for tonight
caesura from the latin caedere- to cut
Thanks Chris :) I looked it up on Grove and it seemed to imply (but never straight out said) that it means “pause” but I thought it meant “cut” until someone else said it means “pause” - I guess I’ll say like it literally means “to cut” but in...
6 tags
The list for tonight
Presentation for MUS 270 - finish slideshow, work out rough script/notecards, make examples/find videos online, etc.
Conducting - study for quiz (what does “caesura” mean, anyway??) and practice fermatas for star-spangled banner ending
Finish “final” draft of cello/piano piece and print (figure out how to make one part bigger than the other on the score in Finale)
...
6 tags
apparently,
it is impossible for me to formulate a thesis appropriate for a 600-700 word writing assignment. I know the expected and intelligent response would be to treat the video (The Couple in the Cage) on its surface, discuss how it illustrates our cultural views on representation and authenticity, and be done with it, but I can’t help but point out that the movie, having been produced in 1993,...